I woke up early to write about my life. I feel I need to write it edown or I will forget it.
I feel so alone, so isolated. The girls I love, my dreams, my goals, they all seem so hard, impossible, to attain. I don’t want to live anymore. All I see in my road of life is suffering, pain, shame, dishonor, curses, hatred, loniness, wasted oppertunites (because I no longer have the power to take advantage of it), anger, etc. Of course I love my church. I want to reconnect with them, but, they don’t want me, they don’t need me. Of course God doesn’t need any of us, but I don’t feel loved by my church. My heart is in pain. My soul cries. I really want to love my church, the church of my youth, but they are not willing.
I’m never going to find a wife in my church. They all seem so seculer. They use God instead of giving him glory. Their music, taste, movies, almost everything, reflects a secular lifestyle. And Dorcas? She is not the godly person I envisioned her to be. In fact, let me look at her profile…. The first thing I see is her daily horoscope. All her personal information does not reflect the Lord. I cannot tell if she is a Christian just by looking at her info. And.. she hid her reglious status. She doesn’t even claim to be a Christian. Of course, she might just be hiding this from me, but why would she? Her favorite quotations are not from the Bible, none of them are. The first one is “go die!” Wow…. I hate being a stalker, but I need to see the truth.
Ok, go to Endora —. She already has a boyfriend, so I will not even consider her anymore.
While I’m waiting… I want to say that I love all of them. Hopefully everyone from church even through they don’t really like me. Many of their values don’t reflect God. In fact, I can’t tell if they are Christian unless they say so.
Ok, back to Endora. I’m happier for her. I know her mom is a grat women of God. And she is clearly influenced by her. Praise God! :) Her description says “Jesus, I’m kneeling at your feet. Life is knocking me down. Come and fill me up.” I’m happy for her. Happy that she still loves the Lord. Her infomation more closely reflects God, but still.. it is littered with dramas and secularism. Still, I’m happy for her. She loves “Christian and fob songs.” And her info mentions Jesus. I’m happy for her.
This is her about me:
I love to sing. I’m pretty short. I can be loud but also really shy at times. I love GOD. I love kids. Taiwan is the best place in the world. I don’t like green onions and I live for Jesus. :]
~The biggest lesson I’ve learned in this life is to forgive those who judge you the most because those who judge you the most, are only afraid to be judged. WWJD?~
She loves the Lord. Amen.
If she is still avaliable, I would have hit her…. She is still so beautiful to me. Of course I love everyone, but I still love her….
Ok, I’m done updating my facebook again. She made me state my political views. And now I know she might be Taiwanese. Heh, not that it’s a good thing….
You know what, let me also see Emily –‘s profile….
Her’s is also more Christian. Her status states: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
Amen. Praise the Lord.
I’m really boring and I honestly love watching tv and sleeping.
That just isn’t fair…. I’m really boring too, but she has so many friends (496). I need to go now. SGM. Just a false alarm. Whew. Why do people do these things? That’s just like lying.
Ok, now let me see Jonathan —-‘s profile. I remember him as a friend back when I was young.
His profile also has God in it. That’s good, praise God. He enjoys making people smile. Heh, I enjoy helping others. That’s good.
Entertaining people makes me smile. To see people happy, laughing, and having fun makes my day. To see the opposite makes me depressed.
When I grow up, I want to be an actor and a high school teacher.
Cooking is something I have the capability of doing.
The first impression people have of me is either “weird”, “freaky”, or “scary”.
One of my goals in life is to be as good of a friend to someone as they will let me be.
I have made a bunch of mistakes, all of which I truly regret.
People find me a lot less mysterious that I actually am.
A skill of expertise that I have is creating illusions of myself.
Ok, I’m thinking about packing up for this discovery. I’m tired and need rest.
Oh, before I forget, let me check Carrian —‘s profile.
Never mind, no time. I was partially right. The 1SG is coming. Better pack up.
Lord, I am kneeling at your feet. Come fill me up.
It’s not about me, its about God.
Help me Lord, keep me alive.