God, it doesn’t matter how much You give me. I’m still going to love You. It doesn’t matter how much you give me compared to others. It doesn’t matter God, if you give someone a billion dollars and you only give me a penny. It doesn’t matter how much you give me. I’m still going to love You. Your praise will always be on my lips. Even if you stop giving me. Even if you cut me off, God, what You have done for me is already so much for me. So much for us.
It doesn’t matter if I incur abuse from people, from people who love You or not. It doesn’t matter if they say things that hurt me. If they say things that are true but very painful to me. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, I’m still going to love You. Your praise will always be on my lips.
It doesn’t matter if people make me feel rejected. It doesn’t matter what people do to me or how I interpret it. I’m still going to love You to seek You, to at least try, to try my best. Your praise will always be on my lips.
And it doesn’t matter if people hurt me even more, when they say that I don’t love You, that I don’t really seek You that I don’t really love You. Well, God, I’m still going to love You, I’m still going to seek You. If I suck at loving You, at seeking You, then I’m still going to love You to seek You. Your praise will always be on my lips. Even if I’m going to hell, O Lord, I’m still going to love You and worship You and seek You for the rest of my life, at least try, but I’ll try to try my best, because I know You love me. I know You are the one true God. The God of heaven and earth. You will have your bride.
And God, I will still love those people. I will still try to love those who hate me, or who have hurt me, whether righteously or not. I will still love them, I will still pray for them, I will still bless them. That is the difference. They may curse they may attack me they may do anything to me even say that they love me that’s why they do these things to me. But God, help me not to take revenge. Help me to continue to bless them, to pray for them. To love them. Thank you God. To love your family, to love your people, to love all those that You have made.
If they tell me that me blessing them is actually more evidence that I hate them, then God, Your praise will always be on my lips. Then I will hug them, to love them, to kiss them out of love. To give them a fish, to give them what is good. Not to show off, but to show that I love them.
So God, regardless of what people do to me, regardless of what you give me, regardless of where I am compared to others, I will still try and try to try my best to love You and to seek You. Your praise will always be on my lips. If you take away my penny or what is worth my life and I die, then I will die still trying to love You and seek You. I will die a seeker.
So God, I thank You for giving me the ability to survive, to praise You, to worship You, to love others, and to pray and bless my enemies. If they want to kill me, I will not resist. I will put myself in Your hands. And if I die, I will die seeking You, I will die trying to love You. I will die an overcomer.
Thank you Lord, thank you Jesus.
And help me Lord, to continuously pray for those around me. I will raise a spiritual aura. I will raise a continual aura of prayer. Of blessings. Of You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Give me strength.
And to add, it doesn’t matter if nobody reads my blog or not. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I love God. It doesn’t matter as long as I try to seek You and love You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Your praise will always be on my lips.
God, I come before You with open hearts, with open minds, with open hands, with open soul. Jesus, I thank you for your love and your mercy and your grace. I thank you that I can help people in Christ. I’m so happy! Thank you God!!
God, help us to love You, help us to worship You. It doesn’t matter if what I say is a repeat, your praise will always be on my lips. You do not work as this world works; You do not work as this world operates. Your truths are unchanging; you are unchanging. Your songs last and rings for eternity. Help me O God, I believe in You.
Jesus, I thank you for giving me, for giving us opportunities. You give us opportunities everyday. The Devil is a liar. You are the God of many chances. You are the God of many opportunities. You are the God of patience. You are the God who sees, who sees through every situation.
My money is but a test. It is here, given to me on Earth to do Your will.
God, can you bless my pastors. Whether it’s my former pastor, my current pastor, or my pastor overseas. Bless all the pastors, bless all the priests, bless the loyal priesthood. Bless them, O God, that they may continue to declare Your name to the next generation.
Help us not to fear as the world fears. The world give us threats and lies but You give us your promise sure. Help us, O Lord, to declare Your name to the next generation.
God, I thank you and even if the worse were to come, help me Lord, to cling to You, to seek You. This is my Father’s world. I will not be afraid.
Father, increase my courage, increase my capacity to love, increase my capacity to seek You, increase my capacity to understand right from wrong because you knit us in the inmost womb.
Thank you Father, you are a good good Father. God, you are very important to us. Teach us to love You more. Teach us to seek You more. If I die, then may I die for love; may I die for You.
O God, You are enough for me. You are all we need. Jesus, forgive us, You are all we need. Bring us back to You, O Lord. And God, I will continue to sing and dance in troubled times but also in joyful times, in cursed times, and also in blessed times. Thank you God, for You are the God who rescues me; You are the God who sets me free. Christ is enough for me. Everything I need is in You.
You are all we need, O God. You are all we seek, O God. Thank you Jesus.
Help me to fix my eyes on You. Thank you God for your songs; thank you God for your motivation. I bless the singers, the worshippers of God. It doesn’t matter how they sing, as long as they glorify You, O Lord, may you bless them, may you give them your morning dew from heaven every day.
Teach us God, to love You more. May this world seek Your Face. God, I’m going to evangelize, it doesn’t matter how good I am or how sucky I am, what matters is my heart. You weigh the heart O God, you weigh people’s hearts. Jesus, give me the wisdom and the strength and the courage and the discipline to tell others about this unfailing love. Forgive us O God, and bring us closer to You.
Let there be no disagreements no arguing between group of believers. God, if they hate me, help me to love them because what really matters is they love You. They don’t have to love me as long as they love You. They don’t have to help me as long as they help You, as long as they serve You. But God, may you open the doors of help, the doors of angels, the God of Angel Armies, please help me, and God, as long as I am with You, help will come from Your people, in one form or another.
When darkness seems to hide His Face, help me to rest on Your unchanging Grace. Your veil is holy.
[In Chinese] Lord Jesus, You are God. From forever to forever, You are God. Lord Jesus, help us to worship You, help us to follow You, help us to serve You.
Jesus, you are the God of Wonders; You are the God of greatness. God, my feet almost slipped today, my feet is close to slippering everyday, but when my feet slips, help me, to look up to You and not at the mess, not at the mud, not at my injures or my pain, but to look up to You and You will lift me up.
God, even if I don’t feel it, You are always with me. You are with me from my childhood, to my youth, to my days in high school, to my days in college, and then the Army, and then college, even now. You are always there with me.
So what can we say, what can we do, but offer this heart O God, completely to You. God you are worthy, God you are holy. Help us to give ourselves to You. Help us to give ourselves 100% to You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God.
So Lord, what can I say, what can I do, but to Worship You. Thank you God.
I know Lord, that I am facing so much stress and dark times and temptations in my life right now but continue to give me patience and to fix my eyes on You. Thank you Jesus. Help me to honor and respect my fellow brothers and sisters. Thank you God.
You are a forever God. You are forever. Thank you Jesus.
God help me to us the abilities you have given me for Your glory. Help me to pick up my sword and fight for love. Your love O God, have won for me. You won me over with your love, with your mercy, with your grace. Thank you Jesus.
You are the God who judges me. You are the God who has chosen me. You are the God that keeps me singing, that keeps me dancing.
It’s nice to know, I’m not alone, I’ve found a home here in Your arms.
Song: This I Believe (The Creed)- Hillsong, Christ is Enough- Hillsong, Cornerstone- Hillsong, The Stand- Hillsong, We Dance- Bethel,
Due to my lack of preparedness on January 23, I was unprepared for guard. I woke up with just barely enough time to eat beef sausage and bread, pack necessary items, do some hygiene, dress up, and leave. I planned to wake up with barely enough time because I slept late last night so I needed as much rest as I can get before I start my 24-hour guard duty.
I then found out that today, is the last day that 3-43 has guard and it has to be me! Someone else came to us believing he had guard but according to our roster, he didn’t. I considered offering to pay him for taking my shift but the soldiers around me convinced me not to. I’m on the roster and it’s our last guard shift.
It’s not just the physical side that is hard, but the emotional and spiritual side as well. Throughout the day I was tired and I tried to take bits of rest by closing my eyes. One of the soldiers, V, would always harass me by jumping to conclusions. After living with him for almost a year, I can see that he is prideful, arrogant, but also has a good heart and intentions.
He would say, “Wake up, Yeh!” when I wasn’t really sleeping. My eyes were half-closed. I don’t like how he jumps to conclusions without knowing everything. I don’t like how he judges people, not just me but everybody else, based on the limited knowledge he knows. God knows everything; let God be the Judge.
Throughout the day, he would accuse me by making assumptions without looking at the whole evidence. When they were talking questionable sexual things in the evening, V would say, “Earmuffs Yeh!” “I don’t want to damage your innocence!” He assumes I can’t handle what they are talking about but I can. I’ve listened and interacted to their racy conversations many times while also trusting in God. There are also other times, but I forgot. He would say things to provoke me (by making untrue assumptions) and force me to defend myself. After a whole, angered, I would say, “Let God be the Judge.” I told V that he doesn’t know everything, that his accusations are not true or lack other major elements. Once when he was walking outside while opening the gate, I told him privately, “V, you need to stop trusting in yourself and start trusting in God.” I can see from almost a year’s experience that he always trusts in himself and his own strength. I was a bit afraid to tell him that but I’m trying to help him and if me saying this can change him for the better in the future, it will be worth it. He looked at me surprised and replied, “Yeh, I cannot trust in God. I have to trust in myself. If I rely on God, he’s not going to help me all the time.” I think I told him that if he chose to follow Jesus, God will help him all the time.
All the judging and false accusations from my three battle buddies made me upset. When guarding the site (and the first time I actually have live weapons), I would not talk to them. I feel angry and upset and if I do try to defend myself, they will just twist my words and accuse me again. Wisdom came to me and I realized silence is the best answer. Every time they hurt me, I would angrily pray and ask God to judge them. I also asked Him to judge me too but reminding him that I want his mercy and love rather than his justice because “no one living is righteous before you” (Psalms 143:2).
Out of anguish, I would take my pocket Bible out and read the psalms and pray and sing regardless if other soldiers noticing me. I remember a quote from C.S. Lewis saying, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
That is so true. I find that I seek God the most when I’m in pain or when life is hard. I prayed and asked God that if that’s the case, then please make my life hard so I can be with You.
Eventually, my anger would subside and I would tactfully talk to them again, knowing that I need to be like Jesus.
A serious event happened later in the night. Since I was so tired, I slept, along with another soldier (who also didn’t sleep well last night). Midnight chow came and two of the soldiers, there were four of us total, went to eat chow, leaving just V and me. While looking for traffic, I accidently dosed off and a car came. V saw it and we quickly went outside to open the gate. When I came back in the guard shack, he was very upset at me. He told me that I should not be tired, that I have plenty of sleep (while he stayed up all night), and that if I’m tired I should take a walk or pour water on my face. He also made many accusations and judgments on me that are incomplete. When I tried to tell the “truth,” he accused me of making excuses. When I told him that I really can’t stay up, that I’m really tired, he told me he doesn’t want to argue with me anymore. If I were to close my eyes again, he would force me outside the shack. I said I too, agreed with him that I don’t want to argue or make excuses. I just want to put out the truth. The truth is, I can walk outside and stay up if I have to, but the limits of my endurance have been reached. I refuse to suffer anymore. I already suffered so much physically (doing guard), emotionally (their verbal attacks and judging), and spiritually (constantly praying and asking God for help and vindication). I also told him that I’m stressed out because I have two jobs: being a soldier and serving God. He told me I need to meet the SOP (standard operating procedures) which states that I cannot sleep. I told him that the Bible is above the SOP, but the Bible does state to submit to authorities (Titus 3:1). I tried to tell him the truth. I sat back down and then went outside for some water.
Then suddenly, it hit me. I have been saying I’m sick and tired of suffering. That I hate how my life is so hard. Then I remembered what the Bible says about how much suffering is enough.
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood (Hebrews 12:4 ).
I cried out to God and asked Him to forgive me. That is the Biblical standard for suffering. In my suffering, I haven’t even come close to shedding blood. I realized that I must be willing to endure and suffer so much more. I realized how weak I am. I must be willing to suffer for Jesus, not so I will lose my petty comfort, but to the point of losing blood. That is hard suffering and that is what the Bible teaches us to endure to.
I stayed outside and walked around, happy that I finally knew what the Biblical standards are. The humvee came back but I continue to stay outside. I washed my eyes with water because it was stinging me. Later, V told me to come back in but “stay awake.” I told him I prefer to be outside.
Oh, and for dinner, thanks to another soldier’s help, we got Chinese and Korean food! I got, along with my SOG (sergeant of the guard), kimchee and rice. The kimchee was very spicy, however, but I ate a lot of rice. Yummy!
After that awakening, that I need to adhere to the Biblical standard of suffering, the rest of the day improved. I did not try to find an easy way out, but I contributed and helped clean the guard area up. Today is the last day our battalion has guard duty. We have to make sure the area is presentable.
Everything went well until near the very end of our shift. That is my second serious incident. We (the guards) found out that 1-44, the battalion replacing us, were not informed of their guard duty. They were simply told they were shadowing us. That means there is a possibility that we have guard again, a 48-hour shift. All of us were upset. To make the long story short, the SOG for 1-44 decided to do the changeover (praise God) but we still had to wait for another sergeant from Echo company to be their shadow SOG. While we are waiting, I proposed many ideas. I said why not two of us take the bus and the other two take the humvee? I began to complain, internally. I thought about what to say to my relay sergeant. I need to prepare and know the approach and words so I might get tomorrow’s PT off. I really want free time. I wanted to scream, or just take off in the humvee because I was upset at our battalions lack of organization in this matter.
I also had a debate with P, another soldier and I did cry and show my tears because I wanted to change them for the better. But after much arguing, I realized what Watchman Nee wrote: “It is not a life changed but exchanged.” V and P were telling me that they believe I want everyone in this world to be like me. I told them, initially, sadly due to my defensive nature, that I didn’t. That everyone is created with an image of God and we need to “shine the light that God gave us.” I admitted, later, that I did act as if everyone should be like me and everyone else not like me is wrong, evil, etc. They accused of being a hypocrite and I did admit it. But, I told them that we all make mistakes, that we are all sinners, and that we all need Jesus.
I have been telling V throughout our guard shift that he needs to “change.” He needs to change his pride, arrogance, tenidency to judge, etc, but I realized all my efforts were in vain. Because they cannot change themselves. According to Watchman Nee, human beings cannot their evil human nature. In order to change a person, that person needs to be exchanged with Christ. I admitted my mistake to V and P and told them not to change, but to exchange your life with Jesus.
However, V told me if I am happy. After some thinking, I told them that I’m not happy (“not as happy as I should be” would be closer to the truth). Then V went on to say the reason why I’m not happy is because I’m too focused on God. That I need to put myself first (not God) and enjoy the pleasures of the world. Then, according to him, I will be happy.
Seeing these two soldiers having a serious discussion with me made me feel like I’m Christian in the Pilgrim’s Progress. I told V that I understand his viewpoint, but I feel the answer to happiness is not found there. The answer to happiness is found in letting Christ live instead of me.
Throughout the conversation, I kept mentioning Bible and they told me to stop mentioning it. Not everyone believes in the Bible, they told me. But I told them that the Bible is the bedrock of my life. P thinks the Bible is just a good teaching book, but it is more than that, it is a manual to life. That conversation eventually developed to me not using any spiritual arguments, that I can only make logical ones. That, I told them, is misleading. The human being is made up of the spirit, soul, and body. The spirit is above the soul, therefore, the spirit should be dominant. I told them there is an unseen world; a spiritual world, and that the Bible says the unseen is greater than the seen. V and P asked me again and again do I love God more or my mom? I told them that I love God more because I must love God much more than I love my mom or dad or brothers and sisters (Matthew 10:31). They told me who help me more, God or my mom. They obviously wanted me to say “my mom,” but I told them that, ultimately, God helps me much more.
Lastly, we argued that if God is omnipotent, then does God know what choices we choose beforehand? I told P no because if he does know completely beforehand, then God will not be a good god but an evil one. If God knew Eve is going to be deceived in the Garden of Eden and all mankind will suffer the penalty for sin, He would not have created us. God gave us free will to chose whether to follow Him or not. Yes, God knows us much more than anybody else, even ourselves, but he doesn’t know 100% what our next actions will be. This is where P and me disagreed and I tried to find scriptural proof, but was mostly unable to.
Psalms 139:1O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
16your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Genesis 3:7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
8Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.
9But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”
10He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
11And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
God knows our potential and what we could be if we follow God to be used by Him, but to say that he always knows every action that we will perform ahead of time is untrue. If that is true, then God may not be a good God because then he knew all the evil and suffering that will come as a result. I need to continue to grow more in God and perhaps ask for some help to find out more. That is about the extent of our discussion. I then used the latrine again and decided to sleep inside the humvee.
As I was sitting in the humvee thinking about the conversation, and how angry I am about the guard changeover and what to do about it, another thought came in, from heaven, and it told me to “give it all to God.” In my first serious incident, I learned that I need to be able to suffer and endure more, to the point of shedding blood. However, in this second event, I realized that God is in control of everything, that there is nothing I can do to change it. I must trust in God and let Him be in control. Whatever happens, I must “give it all to God.” So I began to repeat “give it all to God” over and over in my mind. Slowly, I began to feel peace. I began to feel happy and at ease. God is in control of everything. Why am I worrying? Give it all to God. I fell into a peaceful sleep.
When I woke up, I knew that I’m still in the humvee, but I’m not upset because I already gave all my angry and bitter feelings to God. I find that once I give my hurt and negative feelings to God, I feel free. I used the latrine again and decided to listen to a 睡夢鄉 (Land of Dreams) bedtime stories. I don’t know why, but I decided to listen to 好姊姊米利暗 (Good Miriam) because I felt Moses calling me. I closed my eyes and deeply listened to the children bedtime story. Listening to it made me so thankful of what God had given me. The narrator, Auntie Choi, began the story of Moses by saying the Israelites in Egypt were prosperous. Pharaoh was afraid that the Hebrew people might start an uprising so he subjected them to hard labor.
Exodus 1:10Come, we must deal shrewdly with them or they will become even more numerous and, if war breaks out, will join our enemies, fight against us and leave the country.”
11So they put slave masters over them to oppress them with forced labor, and they built Pithom and Rameses as store cities for Pharaoh.
12But the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread; so the Egyptians came to dread the Israelites
13and worked them ruthlessly.
14They made their lives bitter with hard labor in brick and mortar and with all kinds of work in the fields; in all their hard labor the Egyptians used them ruthlessly.
However, the more the Hebrews suffered, the more prosperous they became. Hearing that gave me encouragement. It is like a God-given answer to suffering. It teaches me not to be afraid, that God is in control, and that God can use my suffering to benefit me even more. I got to the part where the counselors advised Pharaoh to kill every male child. I can hear the babies’ crying and the mother’s screaming. It felt so real and I felt so sad.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. –Jewish Proverb
Then, I saw my SOG and P come and say it’s time to go. Happily, I put away my mp3 player and started to leave.
I learned so much about suffering today. One, that I need to suffer to the Biblical standard which is to the point of shedding blood, and two, to “give it all to God.”
睡夢鄉- 39 好姊姊米利暗
Sing and Smile and Pray by Sofia Tsatalbasidis
Sing the clouds away,
Night will turn to day.
If you sing and sing and sing you’ll sing the clouds away.
Smile the clouds away,
Night will turn to day.
If you smile and smile and smile you’ll smile the clouds away.
Pray the clouds away,
Pray and pray and pray.
Night will turn to day,
No matter what they say.
Sing and smile and pray,
That’s the only way.
If you sing and smile and pray you’ll drive the clouds away.
Pray the clouds away,
Sing and smile and pray.
Night will turn to day,
No matter what they say.
Sing and smile and pray,
Night will turn to day.
If you sing and smile and pray you’ll drive the clouds away.
I want to write this to show my weakness. Yes, I came to the range today, yes I got off after 1300, and yes, I have to work tomorrow. However, the sergeant told me I can sleep in the car. Yet, I still chose to try to avoid night guard. Yes, my reason is legal. I am not supposed to do night guard because I worked past 1300 and I need to work tomorrow, but deeper, I know I chose the way of comfort. I know God can help me stay awake. I know with His spirit, I can be strong enough to stay up, but I refuse to suffer so much.
What if I’m doing Lord’s work? God demands my all. To follow Jesus means to suffer. I cannot make compromises. I cannot set limits. The limit I set today is optimistically, my body, and pessimistically, my comfort. Yes, by human standards, I’m okay. I’m not supposed to do guard, but I can do better. I can go above the limits because after the Army, I will be working for God. Will my standards be the same? No, it must not be.
Yes, I fell, but the important thing is to get up and continue to follow Jesus. It’s hard to follow Him when my body tells me to stop. My body will get stronger, eventually, by following the spirit since the spirit takes care of the soul and body. Every step I take, may it be a step of faith.
I need to follow my spirit and not my body completely. That is my downfall.
This morning, two hours after midnight, I got out of my bed to use the latrine. Coming back in, I suddenly thought of some important spiritual things to write. However, since I’m so tired, I decided to sleep. The thought to take this opportunity for good came again and again, but I kept repressing and told myself my body is tired and I need to sleep to prepare for the day.
Suddenly, a story of Peter and a few of Jesus’ disciples (James and John) came to my mind. This is at the very end of Jesus’ life on earth, when Jesus told his disciples to “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak” (Matthew 26:41).
Jesus’ disciples suffered the same thing! They were tired; their bodies are giving up, but Jesus still told them their effort is not enough. I realized then that God’s standards for us are not in the body, but in the spirit. His standards are higher than man’s standards. We must not rely on our own strength, as Peter, James, and John did that night, but on the Lord’s, for if we rely on God for our strength, we will be able to perform tasks that are very difficult or impossible for the body.
Just because it hurts for me to do a godly task does not mean I should stop. Concerning spiritual matters, I must not obey my body, but my spirit. Our limits should be the limits of our spirit and not the limits of our body.
I went back to sleep despite knowing this and thought to myself that I can just write this when I have time. Well, now, 16 hours later, I finally had the time. This incident again shows my weaknesses but, praise God, at least I know this weakness. This will be very hard, but I need to go beyond the body if I’m doing God’s work.
Today, our battalion went to the range to qualify on our M16A2! Wow, praise God! I haven’t shot a gun for over a year now and I’m unsure how I would do. When I qualified using paper targets on a 25 meter range, I got a 31! And that is despite the fact that my last two rounds wouldn’t fire. To give a quick overview, there are two ways to qualify a M16A2. The first way is to qualify using pop-up targets. You would need a vast field to do that. Green silhouette’s as targets will pop up at various distances, usually every 50 meters. So, there will be a 50,100,150,200,250, and a 300 meter target. If you hit it, the target automatically goes down. A shooter has to shoot at least 23 of 40 targets to pass. Paper targets, however are different. It is used when space is limited, such is the case in Camp Arifjan. All the targets is on a large sheet of paper 25 meters away. The targets will be of different shapes and sizes depending on the distances. To pass this method, you would need to hit 27 of 40 targets.
But, before you can qualify, it might be a good idea to zero your weapon first. Zeroing is basically like calibrating. Since every shooter sees differently through the sight picture, every weapon has to be adjusted to the shooter. I had a hard time zeroing my weapon, but praise God, the extra time spent shooting means I get more practice! I’m not there to pass, but to learn. I know that the horse (me) is made ready for battle, but the battle belongs to the Lord (Provb. 21:31). I think going to college should also be the same. I’m going to college not necessarily to get a good grade, but to learn and grow to help others. I will write the essays not to satisfy man, but to satisfy God.
I’m happy, despite the fact that my life is hard and I’m tired. 主的喜樂是我力量! The joy of the Lord is my strength!
TOday, I have many things to write about, but I must not forget to write about what the Lord has done for me. Surely the “joy of the Lord” is my strength. He helps me in unexpected times, when I am weak, when I am down, and when I am strong. My “spirit is willing but my body is weak.” Still, I do my best to love the Lord with “all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.” He is my shield and spear, my “rock in whom I trust.” I need Him every single moment of my life.
Trusting in the Lord has allowed me to face hard and challenging, difficult, or impossible times. I know that I should humble myself so the “Lord can lift me up in due time.” Praise the Lord, the Lord of heaven and earth. Everything belongs to the Lord. I am weak, I am dumb, I, now that I know myself better thanks to how I experience and handle my life in the military, realized that without God, I would not survive. I would surely die. Giants would have trampled me, but just as God used David to beat Goliah, so has God used me in a way that allows me to live and survive in the military. Everyday, through it is hard, is a gift from God.
Wow, I can continue writing my discovery forever, I have a lot of pressings things in my mind. I am debating with myself if I should sleep tonight. Actually, since my spirit is weak, I still will sleep. But, I made sure of myself to worship God right before I go to bed. If God is with me “who can be against me?” I will give God all my grieves and pains, I will talk to my Lord my God. I should not be afraid of Him, becasuse He is the One who created me. But still, sin enters my mind and heart. I do evil continually and daily. I recieve evil thoughts in my mind frequently. Sigh, I can’t wait until this sinful fleshly body is replaced with a body that will never grow old.
Other soldiers, as always, are mean. I, of course, have many weakness in the Army. The most glaring of that is my physical weakness, but I also have trouble in squaring myself away, for example, marching, speech, lack of energy, short memory, difficulty listening, and more that haven’t came to my mind yet.