6/9/2011: 耶穌我愛祢 / Jesus I love you

6/9/2011: 耶穌我愛祢 / Jesus I love you

S: 5:42pm
E: 6:25pm

Today, I went to http://www.c28.com and brought a 14k gold Christian ring! I’ve wanted to wear a loyalty ring for God.

Back in Kuwait, I went to http://www.applesofgold.com and ordered this 18k engraved ring:

Back then, I thought having a Bible verse ring is better than an image. I did not consider any ring that does not consider Christianity. I decided to choose this ring with the inscription: “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (Song of Songs 6:3). I wanted to wear a ring to help remind myself to always worship and love God. Well, the ring came, a few months later, and I was so excited! I scheduled a secret day and devoted the ring to the Lord. However, when I tried putting the ring on my finger, it was too small! It sucks because back in Kuwait, I didn’t have  a printer, so I decided to draw the ring sizer on my computer screen. I did not know how inaccurate I was. There was once when I managed to force my ring into my ring finger. I was in a panic! The ring was so tight that it cut of my circulation. My finger started to turn purple. I thought about rushing to the TMC (troop medical center) emergency room to get the ring cut off. However, after much prayer, praise God, I was able to get that ring off. Never again did I attempt to wear that ring. That ring became more of an ornament or a symbol of how much I love God.

About a month earlier, I went to the Ft. Bliss jewelry shop to get my finger measurements and to have that ring resized. My ring finger size is actually around 8, not 6! A week later, I came back to the store to pick up my ring. The ring fits on my ring finger, but it is still a bit small and uncomfortable. I learned later that for rings with a tall length, the ring size should be 0.5 inches bigger than the actual ring size.

Yesterday night, a thought came into my mind. Since I cannot wear that ring and I didn’t want to spend money again to resize it, I decided to shop for another Christian ring. This time, I wanted a ring with the cross. I went to http://www.applesforgold.com but didn’t find any that I liked. Then, I went to http://www.viridiangold.com and found two rings that I considered buying (I was thinking of putting up a poll on FB but, nah..).

             

Since the day is almost gone, I decided to sleep and continue my ring search tomorrow. After uploading “Jesus, I love you / 耶穌我愛祢” from Stream of Praise, I laid back down on my bed and remembered my ring. I got back up and had to choose between those two rings. I decided, since today’s song is “Jesus, I love you” to choose the ring with the cross and a heart. I want to be able to look at my ring with the heart and to tell Him that I love Him every time. I want my ring to be a reminder of how much God loves me and to love Him back.

A pastor once said (from Youtube comment), “I need to marry a man before I marry a woman.” The whole church congregation was shocked until he said, “and that man is Jesus!” I need to do the same. I need to marry Jesus. He is all I need, all I want, and all I seek.

Jesus I love you
耶稣我爱祢,
Jesus I love you

用我全心全意,
With my whole heart I sing

耶稣我爱祢
Jesus I love you

祢医治我心,祢滋润我灵,喔耶稣我爱祢,
Healer of my heart, seeker of my soul

喔耶稣我爱祢
Oh Jesus I love you

欢唱耶稣我爱祢,用我全心全意,耶稣我爱祢
耶稣祢是我最爱,我爱祢
我爱祢,我的耶稣,我爱祢,我的主
我爱祢

1/18/2011: Soviet Union

1/18/2011: My Hearts of Iron / Soviet Union

S: 8:55pm

E: 9:38pm

The day after I posted my “The God Card” journal entry, I went under intense spiritual attack. Temptations overwhelmed me and I felt so discouraged that I stopped trying to follow God. I barely did my basic routines and skipped meals. I slept much later than usual (due to games) so I had headaches and I always felt tired. I hate myself I thought. I am so weak. I thought if I fail to follow God, then I may  as well give up. But I don’t want to give up, so my soul deceived me into thinking I can be like the Soviet Union: big, powerful with God, but isolated (I was playing A LOT of Hearts of Iron II). I grew angry at everyone, including my church and myself. I so want, in my sinful state, to carry out my version of retribution, but I always remembered to let God be the Judge.

Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

So I started asking God to judge my church for not loving me. But, I failed too. I feel I really tried, in my current state, to try to love and connect with people. I am still able to love, praise God, because love comes from God, but connect? No. I failed to connect with people and people failed to connect with me. My church failed to connect with me, despite my efforts. And this realization made me very angry. I hate this weakness. I am always very nice and friendly to people, but I cannot grow in them. In the case of my military friends, this is true. I’m nice to everybody and everybody is nice to me. I can happily say that I have no enemies or anything close to that sort (actually, there may be one, but I still try to be nice and loving to him), but friends that I can really connect with and share with? Probably one, but although we talk a lot and know each other, we almost only talk at work. So, although I am nice and friendly to people and I try to love and help people, I can’t really connect with them. I think that is one of my life’s weaknesses. I can say that they are in the military and their beliefs about God and their devotion is different, but I just feel that I don’t want so many social interactions. Well, maybe, but I feel, now, if there is a devoted church group, I would love to interact. A friend who loves God makes the friendship so much better.

This morning at work, I felt dizzy and very tired. Praise God that we didn’t have to do PT. Praise God that I practically got the day off. But, today is a wasted day because I felt hopeless about my situation (about falling to temptations the day before) and felt not loved by my church and feeling angry about it.

Trying to think of a last meaningful action to do before I sleep (since I wasted the whole day today playing games), I opened my ring today, the ring with the inscription: “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” I was going to make the event grand, but the spiritual high never came. I should not look for spiritual highs. I should not look for perfect moments. I just need to do Christ’s best to love Him and the “high” will come naturally or when God wills it.

I reinstalled and uninstalled Hearts of Iron II multiple times because I want to rededicate myself to God but then, when the desire comes (and desire gives birth to sin), I would reinstall it. This time, I wanted to reinstall the game so I can play it as the Soviet Union (Nationalist China would be second followed by Poland), the nation I felt best represents me (spiritually, of course). I feel I’m big and powerful with God (only in relative terms) because I love Him and earnestly tried to seek Him but I hardly have any spiritual support (friends). And look at the Soviet Union. After fighting on the good side (the Allies), she became the next evil empire. I need to learn that lesson and to continue to love people. I am currently making a WW2 spiritual nation test (3 weeks in the making) about what country in WW2 best represents you? I have the calculations and questions tentatively done but I’m still working on the results. It’s hard to write a masterful result for each nation (I have to use my intuition) so I’m taking it bit by bit. My result:

You got: Soviet Union

After signing the Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact with Germany and obtaining the eastern half of Poland, Germany broke the non-aggression treaty and invaded the Soviet Union. At first, things went horrible for the Soviets. Battle after battles were lost and vast areas of land was conquered. Despite massive defeats and huge casualties, the Russians fought on. They endured extreme odds, suffering, lack of equipment, and tactical mistakes. The tide turned when the Russian Winter came and Soviet industrial might (about equal to the US) began to show. Soviet generals learned from their mistakes and gradually pushed and defeated Germany.

Application:

Life is hard. You are constantly attacked by the forces of darkness, but do not give up. You are big because God made you big. He made you big because you love God. Continue to fight, endure, and the Russian Winter of hope will come and you will be victorious. The one who lives in you is greater than the one who lives in the world (1 John 4:4). However, be careful and on guard. Since you have few friends, the spiritual enemy may attack you unexpectedly, just as Germany surprised Russia. You need to find more friends to help you grow spiritually, or else, you may become less loving to people, lose the truth, and turn into an “Evil Empire” just like the Soviet Union did after the war.

I’m excited and can’t wait to publish my test.

You got Poland!

On the onset of World War 2, Poland was improving as a nation. Living standards are higher and the economy is improving. Their military, however, lagged behind. They have little to fight against German armor and most of their weapons are obsolete. Furthermore, Poland was sandwiched between two hostile nations. When Germany and the Soviet Union invaded Poland in September 1939, the Polish Army fought bravely, but unsuccessfully. However, and with minimal Allied support, it took the combined forces more than a month to conquer Poland, just 10 days more for France.

Application:

You are dangerously close to the enemy, but you are not well prepared. “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you” (Matthew 6:33). Since your life is hard and you seem to be under attack by the world and evil spirits, you need to put on the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:11) so you can be able to stand. Trust in God, seek Him, and He will help and guide you. When you mess up, don’t give up. What matters in life and especially in following God is not giving up. God sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7), He will draw you closer to Him.

You got: Pre-war America

America became a recognized world power after World War 1. However, its intervention brought out public rebuke, especially during the Great Depression. America on the onset World War 2 is a strong, modern, powerful, but an isolationist nation. Although America gave Great Britian the supplies she needed to survive, the country refused to participate actively in the war. It will not be until the Day of Infamy (Dec. 7, 1941) that America became an active global participant.

Application:

You got it all: A strong relationship with God, good prayer life and Bible reading, and the support of many friends. It is time to climb out of your shell and see the truth. They world is dying; they need light. You have the light inside you. Do you have the courage to step up and fight for good? Or will it take a day of infamy to wake you up from your spiritually sheltered life in order to obey the Great Commission?

That’s just a sample of the 15-nation result test. And lastly, for France:

You got: France

France, although moderately powerful and had lots of support at the onset of World War 2, lacked a powerful military and training. She was deceived along with most European countries that by giving land to Germany for peace, Germany will be peaceful. It did not. France and her allies only declared war when Germany invaded Poland and even then, did not think the war will be real (the “phony” war). It is only when Germany made a surprise invasion on the Low Countries that France began to wake up and muster her strength, but it was too late. Her allies were unable to stop an experienced Germany. There was also lots of finger-pointing and bickering. Both France and Britain was unwilling to sacrifice or suffer too much defending the Low Countries. The last deception, however, was the French belief that the Mangot defense line is impenetrable and can stop the Germans from attacking further south. They were wrong. German forces went through the Ardennes forest and surprised the Allied troops. Unlike the Chinese, when the French capital, Paris, was captured, they surrendered. France was unwilling to pay the price for hope and victory. She remained a captive for much of the remainder of the war.

Application:

Since you are most like France, what can you do to improve your situation? First, you need to be more prepared against the enemy by growing with God more. Second, you need to be willing to suffer and endure more for God. Life is hard, but the One within you is greater than the one who lives in the world (1 John 4:4). Lastly, what is your Ardennes? What are your spiritual weaknesses? Make sure you take an honest look at yourself and strengthen those weaknesses. Satan always attacks at your weakest point, be prepared.

Once I publish my test, or even before that, feel free to give me input and help me out.

————————————

Spiritual WW2

Introduction:

From 1939 to 1945, the world agonized in the midst of a world war. On one side, the Allies, represents freedom, truth, and justice, while the other, the Axis, represents oppression, suffering, and darkness for the peoples of the world. Fortunately, the Allies won. Freedom, happiness, and prosperity were restored to many peoples.

Nowadays, all of us are in a war, a spiritual war, a struggle between good and evil. How about you? If you were a country in this spiritual world war, what country will you be, or more importantly, which side would you be on?

This test collectively measures your power (inner strength), support (how many friends you have), morals (which calculates whether you will be in the Allies [good] or Axis [evil] side), front-lineness (how frequently are you attacked or stressed), and your bravery to determine the nation that represents you.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

Variables in detail:

Power– Represents your spiritual power. This includes, in the spiritual realm, your relationship with God, your effort in letting Christ live through you, how much time you spend seeking Him, and victories in Christ. A person who scores high in this criterion is a person who is close to God, loves Him, overcomes sin, and puts his/her faith in Him.

Support– Shows how much spiritual support from the family of Christ that you have and how well you use it. A person who scores high in support has lots of Christian brothers and sisters that he/she can turn to in times of trouble.

Front-Lineness– How often are you attacked by evil forces (world, flesh, and Satan). How often and how much you suffer in life. The more you are attacked, the higher this value will be. This is a good quality to have (if you’re prepared, of course) because the higher this value, the move active you are in fighting evil (your country will be closer to the enemy).

Bravery– Your effort and willingness to suffer in order to obey God. How much can you stand against evil before you fall. It is similar to hit points in an rpg game. A person with high bravery is more able to endure pain and suffering in order to follow God.

Special Thanks to:

God

The Holy Bible

The Invisible War by Chris Ingram

21 Reasons Bad Things Happen to Good People by Dave Earley

The Spiritual Man by Watchman Nee

Hearts of Iron game series

Axis and Allies TripleA version

Note: In making this test, I am in no way against any of these nations. The past is the past. History shows how evil and wicked men can be and how the only solution is to let the perfect man, Jesus, rule the world. He will soon and He’s coming back.

And also, I understand that many nations in the Allied side aren’t necessarily good. The totalitarian regime of the Soviet Union, for example, oppressed its own people and invaded Finland in the Winter War. I look at the big picture. The Allies are fighting against racism, bigotry, oppression, and tyranny which the Axis represents. Since both sides are man-made (and to be specific, the Soviet Union actually belongs to the Commintern), both sides have their evils, but one is trying to be good while the other is not.

If you skim over the specifics and look at the big picture, good vs. evil, you will get my purpose for this test.

The accuracy of this test also depends on whether you have a Biblical view of God. That will be up to you and God to judge, but I ask everyone to be humble and honest about yourself and your knowledge of God.

This test is also pretty subjective because no one really knows how strong you are between you and God nor how victorious you are. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Again, God will be the Judge.

Lastly, before you exult and rejoice that you got a super strong nation, I want to remind you that all of us are as nothing before God. Even the nations are nothing compared to God. He the potter and we are the clay.

Before him all the nations are as nothing; they are regarded by him as worthless and less than nothing. To whom, then, will you compare God? What image will you compare him to? Isaiah 40:17-18

1/11/2011: Holy Spirit Rain Down

1/11/2011: Holy Spirit Rain Down

S: 8:51pm

E: 9:05pm

I was going to go to sleep because it’s past bedtime for me, but, I told myself that before I can go to sleep, I’m going to sing a 讚美之泉 song. I randomly chose to listen to “Holy Spirit Rain Down (聖靈降下恩雨).” It is when listening to this song that I felt compelled to write a discovery. Right now, I feel my body, soul, and spirit is in another civil war, this time, civil war to let Christ live instead of me. It’s going to take time. Slowly, as I give more of me to Christ, I can feel my desires to play games and the desires of my flesh decrease.

Today, I went to a MWR trip to Kuwait! It’s my first such trip and it’s.. wonderful. I visited the National Museum, a weaving museum, and the Kuwait towers. Lunch was expensive, but so delicious! When I got back in the afternoon, however, I was spent. I decided to play some computer games after uploading my December 2009 discoveries to my blog. Uploading has been a long process partly because I have so much journals and also because it’s emotionally touching to reread my past. I can feel myself, my feeling and thoughts, and see myself from my more closer-to-God perspective.

I played Hearts of Iron, this time, as Great Britain. However, although I felt I did pretty good, I felt I wasted so much time. Coming back from the MWR trip and being spent is no excuse to play games. I should seek my comfort and strength not in games but in God. Slowly, as I try to let Christ have more and more of me, I can eventually say that it is “no longer I, but Christ” who lives in me.

And also, the ring from God arrived yesterday!!! I’m going to record that special moment when I’m ready. Hopefully it will be soon.

聖靈降下恩雨

1. 聖靈降下恩雨    潔淨醫治我

我需要你    我需要你    你來充滿我

2. 聖靈因你的愛    我願意順服

我好愛你     我好愛你      愛你的同在

(副)

充滿我     充滿我      用那溫柔的愛光照我

充滿我     來充滿我      時刻都充滿我

 

Holy Spirit Rain Down

12/29/2010: Cheers

12/29/2010: Cheers

S: 8:08pm

E: 8:29pm

Today, I’m somewhat happy and somewhat sad. Happy because I love God and He is helping me but sad because I’m still afraid of people. I am brought up to fear man so it will be difficult to overthrow that fear. Looking back, I should have written a discovery perhaps daily. That way, I can always remember my life’s journey’s and share more passing thoughts. One reason I have been slacking on writing is because I’m afraid. I need to watch my intent and make sure to do things only for God’s glory.

I just came back from a Kuwaiti defense exercise and I’m sort of happy. I just trust in God and He takes care of me. You know, I’m on my last book in The Chronicles of Narnia and so far, that series had been a great blessing on my life. It helped me to focus on God and to learn, from the children’s experiences, that God is always there, He will take care of us, and everything will be alright in the end. Sometimes, I feel I’m in Narnia. I pray to God to help me and guide me just as the children seek Aslan.:

“It isn’t Narnia, you know,” sobbed Lucy. “It’s you. We shan’t meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?”

“But you shall meet me, dear one,” said Aslan.

“Are-are you there too, Sir?” said Edmund.

“I am,” said Aslan. “But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

I believe C.S. Lewis meant Jesus to be the Aslan in our world. We must seek Jesus, He died to save us, just as Aslan died to save Edmund. The above passage is from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

Two things cheered me up. One, I got an e-mail from my cousin in Florida! She had fallen on hard times and had asked me for help and I’m so glad to help her! I’m so happy to be a blessing! Second, I got an e-mail from Pastor Biswas that he received my packages! God always finds a way, even when there seems to be no way.

Now, I’m waiting for my Christmas ring to come, both as a present to me, and to God. I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine! I would have chosen 24k (pure gold.. it’s a 24k pure gold.. it can be your’s today…. From Tales from the Goldmine at Alpine retreat camp) gold but the max they have is 18k. On the gold band is inscribed: “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” from Song of Songs 6:3. When dark times come (or any other time), I can always look at my ring and remember that God is always with me, that I belong to Jesus, that those who are for me is more than who are against me (2 Kings 6:16).

I am going to step out once I come back to Los Angeles, so I’m trying to be prepared. I must put on the Armor of God and pray and be strong and courageous.

12/25/2010: Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I’m still a bit too afraid to go on Facebook, so I’m taking my refuge here. Today is Christmas day and I wanted to share some of what I did on video!

Introduction, me singing “Jesus loves the little ones,” “Away in a Manger,” and my Christmas gift!

Me singing “I lift my eyes to the hills.”

 

Good night everyone and sweet dreams!