2017.2.15: My Date with God

2017.2.15: My Date with God

God, it doesn’t matter how much You give me. I’m still going to love You. It doesn’t matter how much you give me compared to others. It doesn’t matter God, if you give someone a billion dollars and you only give me a penny. It doesn’t matter how much you give me. I’m still going to love You. Your praise will always be on my lips. Even if you stop giving me. Even if you cut me off, God, what You have done for me is already so much for me. So much for us.

It doesn’t matter if I incur abuse from people, from people who love You or not. It doesn’t matter if they say things that hurt me. If they say things that are true but very painful to me. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, I’m still going to love You. Your praise will always be on my lips.

It doesn’t matter if people make me feel rejected. It doesn’t matter what people do to me or how I interpret it. I’m still going to love You to seek You, to at least try, to try my best. Your praise will always be on my lips.

And it doesn’t matter if people hurt me even more, when they say that I don’t love You, that I don’t really seek You that I don’t really love You. Well, God, I’m still going to love You, I’m still going to seek You. If I suck at loving You, at seeking You, then I’m still going to love You to seek You. Your praise will always be on my lips. Even if I’m going to hell, O Lord, I’m still going to love You and worship You and seek You for the rest of my life, at least try, but I’ll try to try my best, because I know You love me. I know You are the one true God. The God of heaven and earth. You will have your bride.

And God, I will still love those people. I will still try to love those who hate me, or who have hurt me, whether righteously or not. I will still love them, I will still pray for them, I will still bless them. That is the difference. They may curse they may attack me they may do anything to me even say that they love me that’s why they do these things to me. But God, help me not to take revenge. Help me to continue to bless them, to pray for them. To love them. Thank you God. To love your family, to love your people, to love all those that You have made.

If they tell me that me blessing them is actually more evidence that I hate them, then God, Your praise will always be on my lips. Then I will hug them, to love them, to kiss them out of love. To give them a fish, to give them what is good. Not to show off, but to show that I love them.

So God, regardless of what people do to me, regardless of what you give me, regardless of where I am compared to others, I will still try and try to try my best to love You and to seek You. Your praise will always be on my lips. If you take away my penny or what is worth my life and I die, then I will die still trying to love You and seek You. I will die a seeker.

So God, I thank You for giving me the ability to survive, to praise You, to worship You, to love others, and to pray and bless my enemies. If they want to kill me, I will not resist. I will put myself in Your hands. And if I die, I will die seeking You, I will die trying to love You. I will die an overcomer.

Thank you Lord, thank you Jesus.

And help me Lord, to continuously pray for those around me. I will raise a spiritual aura. I will raise a continual aura of prayer. Of blessings. Of You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Give me strength.

And to add, it doesn’t matter if nobody reads my blog or not. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I love God. It doesn’t matter as long as I try to seek You and love You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Your praise will always be on my lips.

A new commandment I give you: Love one another as I have loved you. John 13:34


18 Apr 09

[written diary]

18 Apr 09

End: 1041

I am just so weak. I’ve seen God’s love and God’s faith but still I refuse to follow Him. I dreamed dreams but still that’s not enough. Why do I sin against God so much? Why do I challenge God so much? Now I have to do CQ and I’m tired. I don’t think I will have the energy to stay awake but I know that God will still help me. God will make a way, even when there seems no way. I think and believe that God is punishing me for my lack of faith. I think, due to signs and dreams, I have God’s OK to tutor children. But I must worship God all the time. I must not fail again. I think CQ is God’s way of helping me defeat myself. Less of me and more of Him. I also must be longsuffering. Not just to other people, but also with my sinful self. Still, it will be a while before I actually try. I want to be a better believer, soldier, and tutor.


18 Apr 09

S: 1245

E: 1257

I remember when I was young, my mom would have me read a chapter of Proverbs a day, 31 in all. Thanks to her guidance, I am now a good, nicer person. The book of Proverbs is very important because it teaches you the laws and commands of God. It comforts me to know what God can do for us when we behave (heh) and follow Him. I guess, no, I should have taught Proverbs to my children (students) during summer. But no. I chose the dark path of sin and indiscipline. I. there’s a lot of bad that I have done. But God still loves me and he disciplines me. I should have followed Him the first time but I failed. If I do have another chance with children, I would do what my mom did. I would have them read a chapter of Proverbs a day and then write about their thoughts, reflections, etc. It would be like free-writing.

However, I must obey God and follow His will. I might want to start memorizing specific Bible verses.


18 Apr 09

S: about 1500

I just have to suffer. Everyday, all of the way. I have to suffer from other’s painful attacks, from my sinful self, and my weak body. And of course, from Satan, the cause of all evil.

Heh, without Satan, I would be in the Garden of Eden, singing praises to God. But no. Bue to sin, I am in a world where people lie, steal, and kill, a place where wars and rumor of wars never end.

I suffer during the weekday so much that I look forward to the weekends to rest and recooperate myself. Now, even in the weekends, I have to suffer greatly.

Can there be no end to my suffering? No, until Jesus comes to establish His righteous kingdom on Earth or until I die, for when I die, I will be at rest, with kings of the earth.

Will I be able to withstand the suffering? To take it and move on? Nothing but the blood of Jesus, sweetest name I know.


18 Apr 09

S: 1528

Proverbs 4:16: For they cannot sleep till they do evil.

How many times has this verse applied to me! I cannot sleep until I play some computer games. I cannot sleep until I satisify the desires of my flesh.

I must learn the way of the righteous.


5:16 pm

Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, I can’t wait to write about you. Even writing the date and the time was fustring. I love you so much Ruby. You are in my
dreams, in my hearts, in my life. Ruby, you will always be in my life, I love you to my death. Ruby, there are only three words I can say right now:
I love you. So in love with you. I love you. Sigh, Ruby, I need you. Today afterschool, I went to Mrs. Solid’s room to get the appcation for the Rotary
Leadership Awards. I don’t think I’ll be selected to go because only three girls and three guys can go, and they must be a junior. Too bad you can’t go
too Ruby, I love you. I also picked up a tutoring application for La Casa. I thought maybe I can use my strong math skills to help students who are behind
and need help. Like I say earlier, many of these students are on their edge. Ruby, do you want to help them? We can work together. You are excellent in
geometry (my sister told me that), and I’m excellent in AlgebraI and II (I hope so). We can work together, Ruby. We can help them. We can make a difference
in their lives plus we can love each other just as God has loved us. Ruby, I want to kiss you, I want to touch your wonderful face. I love you so much Ruby.
You are the reason why I started to write this diary. You told me that you are third best in tennis, wow, I mean great! You are so good in everything you do.
I mean I wish I had more talant as you. Oh I forgot to tell you the talent story. It is from the Bible (yes, I used to go to church). The talent story is
(my version): One day a king decided to travel to another country. He called up his three servents and gave one of them ten, the second five, and the third
only one talents. (Don’t know what it’s called talents. In that time, it is a sort of money, but I think it as acutal “talents” lol) The servent who recieved
ten talents went and bought a chicken farm. He raised chickens and sold it and their eggs. He earned ten more talants. The second servent with the five
talents went and bought a restruant ( I can’t even spell that!!!). He earned five more. However, the person with the one talent decided to dig a hole and put
the money in. Thats really sad, the person, although low in talents did not use his gift. When the king finally came back, he called his first servent with
the ten talents and that person gave him his share plus ten more he earned. The king saluted and congrads him. He gave him control of ten cities. The second
servent with the five talents came and he gave the king’s share of five plus the five talents he earned. The King cheered him and gave him control of five
cities. Then finally, the king called the third servent with only one talent. He have his talent back but earned none. He said that he know his master is cruel
and harsh, and he is afraid of him, so he dug it in a hole. Then the king said take the one talent that he has and give it to the man with the ten talents. Then
he told his guards to kill him. That story teaches lots of morals. The first one is that in life, even fear is not a reason why you are not performing at your
best (in my own words) and the second one is that life is unfair. God gave some people ten talents, to some he gave five and also to some he gave only one
(ppl like me). Ruby, you have ten talents I only have one. I think about life, and sometimes I think about unfairness. Why can’t everyone have the same amount of
talents? Why is it that some people have ten, some have five and for me, only one? That proves the saying “All men are created equal” as wrong. Why because all men
are NOT equal and they will never will be. Some people are more talanted at arts, others at math and english, and even some are given many gifts such as the power
to heal, the power of multiple languages, the power to kill (so sad but it’s true), and so forth. So Ruby, if you don’t love me I will understand. I’m not good
enough for you but at least I will try. Why? Cause I will fail 100% if I don’t try. And second, I love you the second I saw you. I am a virgin, I love no one else
but you. Tu o Nadie, which in Spainish means “You or noone.” That is how I feel. I love you Ruby.