7/18/2013: To get a girlfriend or not

7/18/2013: To get a girlfriend or not

S: 9:34am
E: 10:03am

This piece is more addressed to you, Steven. As with almost all my writing or thinkings, not everything I write at a set point will convey 100% of my thoughts. At best, this may just be the tip of an iceberg.

The most important thing is developing your life philosophy. And what’s more important than that is it must be centered on God. God is the strongest force in the universe. Satan is the second. And everything else imagined or created by humans is third. And the ranking is not relative. God is much stronger than Satan and Satan is much stronger than what we can conceive. Without God, we will all lose in the end.

In my bed last night, I struggled with self-identity. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to just ignore everyone except God and to just make a living and give money. After all, I suck being social even though I tried many, many times. But that is beyond the point of this blog. Another part of me, the second part, wants me to live like a godly man, like I did back in my latter days in the Army. To ask God and keep asking Him for strength, courage, and wisdom. The three magical words. But the most important is to live with wisdom. If I mess up and I know I will mess up, many times, I’m just going to learn, pray, talk to God, just endure and carry on. What matters is my heart, my goal is in the right place.

But I cannot do that if I choose to withdraw from the world. I cannot choose both. So, since Satan and its forces are the second strongest, anything I create will only be in third place. Not enough. I must then, follow God.

It sucks to stand alone, to be alone, to fight alone. I will fall more easily. But, again, as long as I have Jesus Inside (the T-shirt I’m wearing right now :) ), I’ll still be okay. Gosh, I have a lot more other topics to write about but I need to stay focused.

To get a girlfriend or not. More like to try to get a girlfriend or not. I have been struggling with this issue from almost the beginning and I want to contribute my experience and life on this issue.

As I wrote earlier, the most important issue is not whether to actively find a girlfriend or not, but to choose Jesus. The second most important, and they are not relative to each other, might be finding a life-mate. I have been doing periodic research and intense thinking. I have watched “tutorials” on what to do and so forth. My conclusions are, Steven, that the gold-lining is just to be yourself with God. If a girl comes your way; if God gives you a wife, then amen, so be it. But if not, then you can ask God for a girlfriend, just as Christians tell God of our feelings, but if He doesn’t give you one, then so be it. Your love for Him must not be less or more if He does decide to give you one.

The Bible says that not having a wife is better than having a bad wife (Proverbs 21:9 AND Proverbs 25:24). And I can partly see why. There are disadvantages to having a girlfriend:

(in no particular order)

1) Less time spent on God (Unless your Eve wants to spend as much time with God, too, but even that, there is still less potential time spent on God).
2) Increased cost of maintenance and increased cost in general (Unless you find a thrifty wife such as having dual income, and so forth, but that is the exception).
3) The inevitable fights you will have with your partner (Nobody is perfect, save God).

The benefits of being single (if you can and forgive me if I repeat myself):

1) Less distractions or worries in life.
2) Can spend more time on God.
3) More control of my finances and can save more money.
4) Can have a lower standard of living (such as living in a studio or small house or if I do choose to live in a family house, I have more space so thus, I can have a higher standard of living. Of course, there are exceptions. I’m just writing in general.).
5) Not having to worry about courting or the mating process (Seriously, there are books and books on it. Useless knowledge.).
6) More freedom. (Kind of relates to #1, but I’ll write it as its own.)

Ok, my time is up. I need to get ready for class. But, if you do choose this track, you need not only to be dedicated, but to have some kind of countermeasure just in case your desire gets the better of you. I’m talking about godly countermeasures. Having special dates with God is a good start, but I need to be more creative.



S: 7:38pm
E: 7:49pm

I should not fear man, but fear God. Sigh, it’s depressing that I have to endure so much. The pain of weakness, of tireness, of legerthaic. I also have to endure the smiles and jokes of evil ones. Yes, evil ones. They say things that are funny, but wrong. It really isn’t funny. God doesn’t think its funny. Providing strangers with hospitality is pleasing and like a joke to heaven. The Bible said that there is no one who does good, on one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become corrupt. That is true, so true. It is in times like this, when I am surrounded by evil, that I long for peace. I long to be by myself, praying, seeking, worshiping God. Sigh, that is what I should be doing right before the field. Surely I do not have the things of God in my heart. I hate evil because God hates evil. I hate evil because it is against life. It is against love. It is against fairness and justice.

I am just so tired. I want to sleep, to rest in sweet peace. You know what, I’m going to sing along some of my Christian music. I must have Jesus. I cannot bear my burdens alone. I am weary and weak.

You know, many times, I wish I can be weak forever. By being weak, I seek and acknowledge God. I tend to seek the Lord if I am weak. If being weak helps me to seek the Lord, then I would rather have provety than riches, for I know that I have nothing apart from God. It is not my money but God’s. God owns everything I have. If someone steals from me, they are not stealing from me, no, they can have them, I will gladly give it to them, but they are stealing from God. Let God be the judge; let God be my judge. I will not resist evil men, for I know who holds tomorrow. Because Jesus lives, I can live again. Because Jesus lives, I can live tomorrow.




I feel so bad. Today, during PT, I chose to be selfish, to follow my own self-interests instead of others. Yes, one of my online orders (睡夢鄉) got canceled because it’s out of stock and I was planning to share it on Youtube, and yes, this morning is freaking cold. It’s the coldest since I’ve been in this unit. I envied those who are strong; it seems I’m the only one feeling the cold. I really wanted to run, so in my jealousy, I chose to run even though almost nobody in my platoon wanted it. During the run, I felt so guilty and the cold is freezing my wrists that I fell behind. I was able to catch up in the end, but I ran with guilt the whole way. Who am I, to do what I want? Am I not to be a servant and to serve others? Why am I trying to make my life more comfortable? My home is in heaven and not on earth. I am here not to be number one, but to lead others to Christ. I can endure tough conditions, but only with God, and if I sin against God, who else can I turn to? He is my mediator, he makes my life bearable.




Today I had EST 2000 training. I did okay in the night-fire (15/30 7 to pass) and well in the reflective fire (26/30) courses, but when we came back from break to do the weapons qualifications test, I sucked (18/40 23 to pass). Almost every time I try to aim at a target, my vision blurred. I can’t shoot what I can’t see. It really sucks when I look at everyone’s scores and see that mine is the worse.

But it’s okay, I trust in God and he knows everything. I just have to endure. I don’t keep my eyes on targets, I keep my eyes on Jesus. Jesus loves me and only he can save me.

And also, tomorrow is my PT test. It includes push-ups (40 to pass in 2 mins.), sit-ups (50 to pass 2 min.), and the 2-mile run (16:36 to pass). For my last PT test, I got 54 push-ups, 56 sit-ups, and a 16:08 on my run, but I still failed my PT test because I was 21 at the time (need 15:54). One of my best presents on my 22nd birthday, next to reconnecting with my church, is an easier PT test. I better sleep early today.