2017.2.15: My Date with God

2017.2.15: My Date with God

God, it doesn’t matter how much You give me. I’m still going to love You. It doesn’t matter how much you give me compared to others. It doesn’t matter God, if you give someone a billion dollars and you only give me a penny. It doesn’t matter how much you give me. I’m still going to love You. Your praise will always be on my lips. Even if you stop giving me. Even if you cut me off, God, what You have done for me is already so much for me. So much for us.

It doesn’t matter if I incur abuse from people, from people who love You or not. It doesn’t matter if they say things that hurt me. If they say things that are true but very painful to me. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, I’m still going to love You. Your praise will always be on my lips.

It doesn’t matter if people make me feel rejected. It doesn’t matter what people do to me or how I interpret it. I’m still going to love You to seek You, to at least try, to try my best. Your praise will always be on my lips.

And it doesn’t matter if people hurt me even more, when they say that I don’t love You, that I don’t really seek You that I don’t really love You. Well, God, I’m still going to love You, I’m still going to seek You. If I suck at loving You, at seeking You, then I’m still going to love You to seek You. Your praise will always be on my lips. Even if I’m going to hell, O Lord, I’m still going to love You and worship You and seek You for the rest of my life, at least try, but I’ll try to try my best, because I know You love me. I know You are the one true God. The God of heaven and earth. You will have your bride.

And God, I will still love those people. I will still try to love those who hate me, or who have hurt me, whether righteously or not. I will still love them, I will still pray for them, I will still bless them. That is the difference. They may curse they may attack me they may do anything to me even say that they love me that’s why they do these things to me. But God, help me not to take revenge. Help me to continue to bless them, to pray for them. To love them. Thank you God. To love your family, to love your people, to love all those that You have made.

If they tell me that me blessing them is actually more evidence that I hate them, then God, Your praise will always be on my lips. Then I will hug them, to love them, to kiss them out of love. To give them a fish, to give them what is good. Not to show off, but to show that I love them.

So God, regardless of what people do to me, regardless of what you give me, regardless of where I am compared to others, I will still try and try to try my best to love You and to seek You. Your praise will always be on my lips. If you take away my penny or what is worth my life and I die, then I will die still trying to love You and seek You. I will die a seeker.

So God, I thank You for giving me the ability to survive, to praise You, to worship You, to love others, and to pray and bless my enemies. If they want to kill me, I will not resist. I will put myself in Your hands. And if I die, I will die seeking You, I will die trying to love You. I will die an overcomer.

Thank you Lord, thank you Jesus.

And help me Lord, to continuously pray for those around me. I will raise a spiritual aura. I will raise a continual aura of prayer. Of blessings. Of You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Give me strength.

And to add, it doesn’t matter if nobody reads my blog or not. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I love God. It doesn’t matter as long as I try to seek You and love You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Your praise will always be on my lips.

a-new-commandment
A new commandment I give you: Love one another as I have loved you. John 13:34

 

9/24/09

9/24/09

S: 1730
E: 1734

I am totally at the Lord’s mercy now. My left hand hurts, and I am in pain. I am suffering and I.. am so alone. So isolated. Facebook does not help me. It seems like nothing can help me. Only God can help me. I am just going to pray and ask God for help. If life is too hard, I will just end my life, for my life is in God’s hands.

23 Mar 09

S: 1632
E: 1635

23 Mar 09

I feel and am very distressed right now. I don’t know what to do. Lord help me. Please. I don’t think I’ll make it. I don’t think I can survive. I came to recuit support to help me on my journey but my plan broke at the start. I may make plans but it is the Lord who makes them succeed. I don’t understand. My plan isn’t selfish. I think it pleases God. I have the Lord’s hike almost everyday. I don’t understand. This attack might be Satan’s doing. Lord help me. Please. I love death. I want to die. To die is to gain for me. It is so painful, so full of suffering to live. I fell that I can’t live. I really can’t. Only with God do I even have a chance, even if its slim. No, with God all things are possible. Lord help me. Please.