18 Apr 09
I am just so weak. I’ve seen God’s love and God’s faith but still I refuse to follow Him. I dreamed dreams but still that’s not enough. Why do I sin against God so much? Why do I challenge God so much? Now I have to do CQ and I’m tired. I don’t think I will have the energy to stay awake but I know that God will still help me. God will make a way, even when there seems no way. I think and believe that God is punishing me for my lack of faith. I think, due to signs and dreams, I have God’s OK to tutor children. But I must worship God all the time. I must not fail again. I think CQ is God’s way of helping me defeat myself. Less of me and more of Him. I also must be longsuffering. Not just to other people, but also with my sinful self. Still, it will be a while before I actually try. I want to be a better believer, soldier, and tutor.
18 Apr 09
I remember when I was young, my mom would have me read a chapter of Proverbs a day, 31 in all. Thanks to her guidance, I am now a good, nicer person. The book of Proverbs is very important because it teaches you the laws and commands of God. It comforts me to know what God can do for us when we behave (heh) and follow Him. I guess, no, I should have taught Proverbs to my children (students) during summer. But no. I chose the dark path of sin and indiscipline. I. there’s a lot of bad that I have done. But God still loves me and he disciplines me. I should have followed Him the first time but I failed. If I do have another chance with children, I would do what my mom did. I would have them read a chapter of Proverbs a day and then write about their thoughts, reflections, etc. It would be like free-writing.
However, I must obey God and follow His will. I might want to start memorizing specific Bible verses.
18 Apr 09
S: about 1500
I just have to suffer. Everyday, all of the way. I have to suffer from other’s painful attacks, from my sinful self, and my weak body. And of course, from Satan, the cause of all evil.
Heh, without Satan, I would be in the Garden of Eden, singing praises to God. But no. Bue to sin, I am in a world where people lie, steal, and kill, a place where wars and rumor of wars never end.
I suffer during the weekday so much that I look forward to the weekends to rest and recooperate myself. Now, even in the weekends, I have to suffer greatly.
Can there be no end to my suffering? No, until Jesus comes to establish His righteous kingdom on Earth or until I die, for when I die, I will be at rest, with kings of the earth.
Will I be able to withstand the suffering? To take it and move on? Nothing but the blood of Jesus, sweetest name I know.
18 Apr 09
Proverbs 4:16: For they cannot sleep till they do evil.
How many times has this verse applied to me! I cannot sleep until I play some computer games. I cannot sleep until I satisify the desires of my flesh.
I must learn the way of the righteous.