God, it doesn’t matter how much You give me. I’m still going to love You. It doesn’t matter how much you give me compared to others. It doesn’t matter God, if you give someone a billion dollars and you only give me a penny. It doesn’t matter how much you give me. I’m still going to love You. Your praise will always be on my lips. Even if you stop giving me. Even if you cut me off, God, what You have done for me is already so much for me. So much for us.
It doesn’t matter if I incur abuse from people, from people who love You or not. It doesn’t matter if they say things that hurt me. If they say things that are true but very painful to me. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, I’m still going to love You. Your praise will always be on my lips.
It doesn’t matter if people make me feel rejected. It doesn’t matter what people do to me or how I interpret it. I’m still going to love You to seek You, to at least try, to try my best. Your praise will always be on my lips.
And it doesn’t matter if people hurt me even more, when they say that I don’t love You, that I don’t really seek You that I don’t really love You. Well, God, I’m still going to love You, I’m still going to seek You. If I suck at loving You, at seeking You, then I’m still going to love You to seek You. Your praise will always be on my lips. Even if I’m going to hell, O Lord, I’m still going to love You and worship You and seek You for the rest of my life, at least try, but I’ll try to try my best, because I know You love me. I know You are the one true God. The God of heaven and earth. You will have your bride.
And God, I will still love those people. I will still try to love those who hate me, or who have hurt me, whether righteously or not. I will still love them, I will still pray for them, I will still bless them. That is the difference. They may curse they may attack me they may do anything to me even say that they love me that’s why they do these things to me. But God, help me not to take revenge. Help me to continue to bless them, to pray for them. To love them. Thank you God. To love your family, to love your people, to love all those that You have made.
If they tell me that me blessing them is actually more evidence that I hate them, then God, Your praise will always be on my lips. Then I will hug them, to love them, to kiss them out of love. To give them a fish, to give them what is good. Not to show off, but to show that I love them.
So God, regardless of what people do to me, regardless of what you give me, regardless of where I am compared to others, I will still try and try to try my best to love You and to seek You. Your praise will always be on my lips. If you take away my penny or what is worth my life and I die, then I will die still trying to love You and seek You. I will die a seeker.
So God, I thank You for giving me the ability to survive, to praise You, to worship You, to love others, and to pray and bless my enemies. If they want to kill me, I will not resist. I will put myself in Your hands. And if I die, I will die seeking You, I will die trying to love You. I will die an overcomer.
Thank you Lord, thank you Jesus.
And help me Lord, to continuously pray for those around me. I will raise a spiritual aura. I will raise a continual aura of prayer. Of blessings. Of You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Give me strength.
And to add, it doesn’t matter if nobody reads my blog or not. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I love God. It doesn’t matter as long as I try to seek You and love You. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Your praise will always be on my lips.
3/26/2013: My Happenings for Today and an Interview from a Social Worker
E: 3/27/2013 12:42am (edited)
One of my old-time favorite songs is “He Keeps Me Singing.” I remember when I first heard this song. I was in my barrack room and I was fishing for Christian songs. It is a wonderful blessing to be able to find this song.
I try to write everyday so I may be able to continue my blog. Some of my entries have been too private so I did not share them. I’m planning to post my diaries in retrospect so I can be encouraged to continue writing. If I post it fresh off the press, I may be too self-conscious to write well.
It’s late now but I am reinstituting my one hour close-out time. This gives me time to get ready to sleep. I can’t just do what I’m doing and then the next minute be sound asleep.
I have a whole long chapter to write about investing but I’m going to put that off until later. I want to continue to refine my learning and my strategy.
Yesterday was a difficult day. As much as I tried, I didn’t get much done during spring break. I had a test from social work and although I did half of the test during the break, I’m surprised at my slow progress. If this test was in class I would probably do poorly. Then again, most of my time is spent reading. Even in a graded class, I think most students have a choice to make. They can either read the book and do whatever just to get the answers or they can take the time to learn the material and save it in their life. I chose the latter and although it is slower, it is worth it in the long-run.
A class I am having trouble in right now is Spanish. All my other classes are in English so I can find ways to fight it, but this class is a different foe. Part of it is my fault. It is more than just a 3-credit class to me. For me to actually learn Spanish through that class and not to just get a passing grade on it, I need to treat it like a 6 or even a 9-hour class.
Honestly speaking, Psychology I have my study guides which I can do at the last minute and still get an A in the test (and turn in my study guide for an extra five points!). For my Social Work class, I can take the test in my room. For my Technical Writing class, I just take copious notes and use that to work on class projects. But for Spanish, there are no shortcuts. I have difficulty even understanding some words in the PowerPoint. This class will just require in-depth planning and hard work. I’m glad the rest of my classes are relatively easy.
I was going to volunteer at Community Solutions but when I reassessed myself, I realized I need to prioritize my time more on my studies. I feel even my extracurricular activities at UTEP which includes Intervarsity will also need to be cut. The only thing extra I’m focusing on is my church work. I’m like a country. Because my time budget is in trouble, I am forced to make cuts. Heh. Of course, I can also work on my efficiency which I am also doing, but that is not easy, too.
Today, before I forget, I want to share some information presented from the guest speaker in my Social Work class. One good thing about keeping a journal is I can record the day’s events. However, I did not write everyday and I forgot many precious gems that previous guest speakers have shared. Writing a journal is very similar to saving a game.
I want to start by saying that having guest speakers to share about their jobs and themselves has been very beneficial to our class. It allows us to know more about the field of social work and to learn more about life. Many of the students thought they already know what they want to do but after hearing a real-life social worker speak about what they do in their field of work, they start to have second thoughts. Me too, it’s a life opener.
Today’s guest speaker is Angie [last name omitted], LMSW. She currently works at Hospice El Paso. She is an administer or a director.
Typically, according to her, if you complete your masters within three years of graduating from your bachelors, you may be considered for a management position.
She calls herself a “baby” because she recently graduated with a Masters in Social Work and she is already in management.
First, what is hospice? Hospice is a place where terminally-ill people go to.. die. It is special place, with specially-trained professionals, so they can die with the least amount of pain and with the most peace.
The place she works at has people of all ages, not just the elderly. To be placed in a hospice, a doctor needs to verify in the orders that a person has less than six-months to live.
She said that dying is a very private moment. It is unlike the birth of a baby. In that case, the family is happy and wants to tell everyone.
The hospice she works at treats patients’ free-of-charge. If they can pay, the center will charge the insurance, but if they can’t, they will still accept that person.
She shared about a case. There is a, I think 45 year-old man who was admitted into the hospice center. He had been abandoned as a child. He was homeless and living on the streets when he was diagnosed with cancer. The hospice center, thankfully, took him in. As social workers, we are to find resources to help our clients as much as possible. We are to keep trying, even if the situation looks bleak. His “dying wish” is to be buried. He said he fears cremation. However, in this hospice center, that is very difficult due to the lack of funds. Many people there get cremated instead. But this social worker didn’t give up. She called multiple funeral homes for help. Fortunately, this hospice center has the foresight to have a few plots for patients just in case if cremation doesn’t work out. The cost of a burial is about $6,000 and he had no funds. Yet, somehow she was able to put it together. There was also about a $1,000 fee for some service but she spoke to the funeral director about his sad story and was able to get the fee waived. This dying man got his wish come true.
She also, because he had no family, tried to locate his family. He called all the homeless shelters about him. No leads. She then remembered he came from Las Cruces and he was in prison for a time (something along those lines, not 100% sure) so she called their police department. They ran a check and found a few matches, but, they told her the police cannot give her their contacts due to privacy issues. They suggested her to try looking for him online instead. So she went on people search and found like 100 similar names. Because she doesn’t have the time to call every one of them, she narrowed the results down to only those that are in Texas (I think) or New Mexico. She called each name asking if they know this person. Some of the people she called thought she was crazy, others don’t know, but there was one (I think) that said the name sounds familiar. That person told her that he/she will contact his extended family to see if they know. Well, sadly, that person never called back. The search was futile but what matters is that she has a heart of stone to try.
There is also another case where a girl of fourteen said her last wish is to have a quinceañera. Well, the social workers got together and managed to plan a quinceañera for her. All the staff and (I think) her family attended. It was great for her.
Sometimes I wonder. What is my dying wish? Okay, I’m getting off-topic so let me continue.
This is taking too long so I’m going to skip to an important part. Towards the end of her interview with our class, one of the questions was “What is the most important skill for a hospice social worker?”
She replied that the most important skill for a social worker working in a hospice setting is to have a “heart of stone.” That social worker needs to be tough, he/she needs to have a “cold mind.” When the family is crying and collapsing that worker needs to have the heart to also cry with them but not fall down to the floor like them. That worker needs to be strong because the family looks to that person to make decisions.
Second, she said that person needs to have good “begging” skills. That worker will have to contact various agencies to serve his/her clients.
Third, the social worker needs to be “very comfortable with yourself.” Self-care. That helper needs to know themselves, their strengths and limitations and to take care of his/her heart.
As social workers, we know families have a grieving process. So, this particular hospice also offers the family a year of emotional support.
Angie ended her presentation by giving our class a case scenario. We are to tell her what we would do. It is:
You have a 33 year-old female, US citizen, has 4 children, raised in Mexico, came to the US recently but don’t know the language, single mother, has breast cancer (last stage), has minimal food, her only support is her mother whom is legally blind. (There is a bit more to it but I can only write so fast..)
What would you do? What would Jesus do?
I told Angie that I would use both the problem-solving strategy and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to help that person. By using the problem-solving strategy, I meant I will split her problems into many and solve them one by one. And I will solve the most urgent ones first. Her aside asked me which one would I solve. I told her the problem of food and shelter. She concurred.
After a while, I thought about this hospice and about needing a doctor’s order to be placed there so I was just about ready to raise my hand again when Angie told our class, tearfully, that the person she described is her mother.
She was twelve years-old at the time. Her mom, although a US citizen, did not choose to receive any public assistance. She said it’s a shame to rely on food stamps. Her family lived in a garage. Angie was the only one who cared for her mother. She cleaned her wounds. There was no social worker or medical professional to help her. When her mother died, she remembered going door-to-door to collect money for her funeral. Our whole class was touched and I almost cried.
That, she said, was the reason why she wanted to go into social work. She wants to go into social work so that those who are struggling and dying don’t have to clean the wounds by themselves; that they can have a place and professionals to help them. She told us that we should choose this profession not just to get a steady paycheck but because it is in our heart to do.
I spent a lot of time writing my happenings but I feel, even though at times I may disagree with myself, that it will be worth it in the long-run. If I don’t write, I will mostly likely forget 99 or 100% of what happened day-by-day. My goodness.
I remembered the first time I entered my Intro to Social Work class. The professor had us sit in circles and asked each one of us to take turns sharing why each of us want to be a social worker. I was nervous at that time because my relationship with God wasn’t as close as it was but I still need to the truth. I told the class that the reason why I want to be a social worker is because God helped me so much in the Army. And I feel, thanks to Him assisting me that my passion is also to help others.
I think in a way, God is like a social worker to me. His Words give me comfort and strength. His Words give me wisdom to know how to live life. I still mess up; I still make mistakes, but I know that if I seek the wisdom that comes from God, I will see my faults and change. There are times when life was just too hard for me and I prayed to God for a miracle, for a change of surroundings, and guess what, my situation became bearable. It was never easy and God only gave me (for the most part) just enough to survive. I’m glad that when hard times or any times come, I can always talk to God in prayer. That is my main motivation to being a social worker. I see so much need and so much injustice in this world that I want to, with God’s wisdom, to change it.
I see the low pay that social workers get as a different transaction. The income doesn’t all go to me; it also goes to the person I’m serving. By empowering that person, I am increasing his/her income capacity and even if that’s not the case, oh well, I can have treasures in heaven.
Ok, I need to go to sleep now. I hope tomorrow can be another adventure, too. I doubt it though.