Today, for my English class, I got a 100 on my essay. I’m happy, praise God. But then, getting a 100 reminded me of my fear when taking an online English class in Kuwait (sorry I keep referring to Kuwait..). Back in the Army, I took another English class. I didn’t do well because I procrastinated, and also because I was afraid of being judged. I thought to myself, if God is the judge, then why are my teachers also the judge? Why are they judging me? Their judgment is incomplete because they can’t see the heart. Especially for English, the grades a student receives can be subjective. So, I grew angry. I can do my best in something and still receive a C or D. Because of this fear, I resolved to myself that I will only turn in work that shows my best. If it comes to the point where I have to turn in chicken-scratch work, I would rather not turn it in at all and receive a 0. My balm for this problem back then, which I haven’t totally implemented, is to just let God be the judge. The Bible says with the measure they use to judge others, God will use that measure to judge them (Matthew 7:2). So, I told myself God will judge those who judge me. If my teacher gives me a bad grade even though I think I deserve better, I’ll just let God be the judge.

Nowadays, I feel I have that concept strengthened. In my schoolwork, I just do the best I can and not worry about what grade I will receive. If I run out of time and have to turn in poor quality work, then I will just do it and fight. I will have the courage to face every assignment and charge if I have to. I need to be strong and courageous because the Lord my God will be with me wherever I go (Joshua 1:9).

{E: 11:13pm}


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