12/21/2010: OkGod

12/21/2010: OkGod

S: 7:04pm

E: 7:42pm

I haven’t been going on Facebook again for a while now because “the wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion” (Proverbs 28:1). These past days, I was doing wicked things. I say “wicked” because I try to satisfy my desire instead of God’s. I wrote on my last discovery that it is the unseen battle, the battle between good and evil that counts. I try to focus on God, on what really matters, but I failed many times. Without God, without Jesus Inside, I am afraid of Facebook, I fear Facebook.

I have been going on OkCupid for awhile now and I would like to share with you some of my experiences. I wrote my profile as truthfully as possible and answered most “match” questions with an explanation. I added three recent pictures and a picture when I was a child. I believe everyone should at least, if they share pictures, share at least a child picture because Jesus loves children and they are close to the kingdom of God. I did a few match searches around my area and made it more specific (add Asian and speak Chinese only). The very few girls I messaged to never replied back although I could see they visited my profile. Another one of my hidden motives is I wish by writing my personal profile, I can show people an example of a godly profile. An example of truth, an example of honesty, an example of what a personal profile should be.

I decided that I should just talk to girls so I changed my location from within 25 miles of San Gabriel to “anywhere.” I scroll down using “match percentage” and then I found her. I read her profile and she seems to love God so much. She wrote she just came back from a missions trip in South-East Asia. Wow. I want to give it a try. So, with courage that comes from God, I wrote this message:

hello

Dec. 16, 2010 – 4:40pm

Hello! I would like to get to know you more because you seem like a person who loves God.

I don’t really know what to write but I will do my best. Life is all about doing your best and letting God do the rest. I recently started making an account on OkCupid because I.. really want a girlfriend and I can’t really wait. I think the right answer is to live in the spirit and do it when He tells me to. Well, if I’m single for God than great! but, unfortunately, I don’t have that gift. I tried before, but it’s causing me to sin.

I joined the military because I failed in life. Yes, that is true. I failed my college and I failed God. I was enslaved to computer games and pornography. Many times, I would cry, pray, and ask God for forgiveness, but I would just sin again. It was an awful, vicious cycle. One day, my dad (I guess he found out the truth) got really really angry at me and threatened to kick me out. I was really naive back then, and I hardly knew the world (happens when somebody locks themselves in their rooms and play games all day) so I got really scared. I was also working as a tutor teaching kids back then, but the income I get is not enough for me to live on my own. So I told him the only answer that will satisfy him. I told him I will join the Army. The very next day, I went to the recruiting office and here I am!

It is in the Army, and especially doing basic training, that I got really close to God. I wrote that besides training, I will only do four things: Pray, sing, read the Bible (esp. Psalms), and trying to sleep without getting caught. I would never have made it through basic training or army life in general with His help and it is only through God that I’m still alive.

Since you also speak Chinese, do you also listen to Chinese Christian music? Even since I joined the Army, I loved listening to Stream of Praise (讚美之泉) and Heavenly Melody (天韻). I remember my mom used to play these songs as an alarm clock when I was little. I can suggest some songs if you want.

Well, sorry for my long message, but have a good day and may God bless you!

 

Steven

7% Enemy 91% Friend 91% Match Sent to —————–

 

Yes, I wrote that. I chose to be myself. I chose to share my story. I know that ultimately, God is in control. With trepidation and excitement, I checked my inbox the next afternoon and I got a message! She wrote:

[none]

Dec. 17, 2010 – 10:46am

Hello. hm. i don’t think i’m the right person for you especially if you are looking for a girlfriend. i appreciate your honesty and i also appreciate your testimony. you might want to read the book “how to find a date worth keeping” by townsend and cloud. it’s a christian book on dating. it’s a process and wont’ happen overnight. don’t be discouraged. good luck

Partly because I don’t have much experience with people or rejection, I was shocked. I closed her message and began thinking in my mind. My pulse is starting to speed. Part of me praised the Lord for giving me the courage and strength to write this but another part of me is in pain because of the rejection. I wanted to cry, so I did, a few tears came out. I prayed, wishing I can write something back. After I gathered myself (which I think, took 30 minutes), I wrote back, trying to rely on God:

Dec. 17, 2010 – 4:22pm

Thank you for telling me the truth. I guess I’m just not good with girls. It’s hard for me to handle rejection (I want to cry), but I know that I must endure and trust in God. I will still do my best, be myself, and try to find another girl. Life is about trying and not giving up. I try all the time, I fail many times, but the most important thing is not giving up. It’s just like I try my best to follow God. I still fail, but any failure I make I ask God for forgiveness and repent, and He sees my heart.

I will take a look on that book, maybe it can help me. Thank you for your encouragement and may God be with you in your life.

I began with “thank you for telling me the truth.” I’m so happy that she actually wrote back and although it was a rejection, she decided to help me. She wrote back:

Dec. 18, 2010 – 12:58am

yeah i HIGHLY recommend the book. and also don’t tell the girl u want a gf when u first meet her. just ask her how she is doing.

dude. failure isn’t something wrong either. we all fail. if u are feeling guilty that isn’t from God- that’s from satan. God brings conviction and life. if this is causing you death. think again. u should also read hm..

bondage breaker- neil anderson about spiritual warfare b/c it seems like u are experiencing it and a lot of it. it’ll teach you how to pu on the armor of God

plug into a good church community and b honest about where you are at

Although she sounded mean (I guess in this world, good girls have to be tough to survive. Sad fact…), I was thankful. She wrote that she thinks I’m under spiritual warfare and I felt she was right. Evil spirits, Satan, can magnify our desires and I felt that is what they are doing. All this time into OkCupid, I knew what I was doing wasn’t exactly right. I need to satisfy God not my desire. I need to trust in the unseen, not the seen. I wrote back, and trying not to sound desperate (thanks to some help from my soldiers but I would very much rather be truthful):

I find that I”m fretting a lot on what to write and say. Jesus tells me not to worry about what to wear, or eat, and I remember Paul telling me not to worry about what to say. As long as I have a pure heart and follow God, I will be alright. Yes, you’re right. It’s the unseen world that counts. I am currently reading “The Invisible War” by Chip Ingram and he also tells of the unseen world, of spiritual warfare and the battle between good and evil. He also says to put on the full armor of God and that is what I need to do.

I always want to tell the truth, even from the start, because our God is the god of truth. I believe these dating books and how to act are but rules made by men. The best way is the heavenly way. But, I understand that we live in an evil world and to say certain things, even if it’s the truth, will not be profitable. This is one reason why I can’t wait for Jesus to come back. When He comes back, the government will be on his shoulders and there will be the law of love. I will still do my best to live in the spirit and be the person God wants me to be. I will also take a look at both books you recommended. I do feel I am under spiritual warfare. I think evil thoughts and I’m struggling against the desires of my flesh. I cannot satisfy myself; I need to satisfy God.

Thank you for your encouragement and may God bless you. Good bye!

While reading Chip Ingram’s “The Invisible War,” he told me to focus on God and He will take care of the rest.

Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

How I forgot that passage! After reading in context, I realized that God will take care of everything, I just have to trust in Him! My reasoning to go on OkCupid is to find a girlfriend so I won’t sin against God, but what is causing me to sin? It is my desires and the evil spirits is magnifying that desire because I allow it to. I realized my mistake. It’s not about what I want; it’s about what God wants. If I put on the Armor of God, I can and will overcome my desires. So right now, I am focusing back on God and not on girl (Jesus said I cannot love both God and another [Mathew 6:24]). He will provide and take care of my needs, I just have to seek Him first. I need to find God before girl. It is God who provides everything for me.

I may still log back on OkCupid (beacsue I’m weak) but now I know to seek His kingdom and His righteousness. It’s God who provides everything for me. This is embarrassing that I fell so low but praise God that He still loves me and teaches me. I make mistakes but the Lord rebukes those He loves (Rev. 3:19).

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