I’m depressed now. First, in the day room, I got smoked by my seagent for doing what everyone else is doing. I was watching some TV but also listening the the my sargent, but yet, when I told the truth that I was “half watching TV and half listening to her,” she smoked me. Sigh, I feel like, at that time, doing what I can is not enough. And its hard for me to reach God. I just want to go to heaven now. I don’t want to stay on Earth anymore. Or, I want to go home.
Why should I learn how to use patriot systems if people don’t trust me? When asked why I joined the army, I said because I want to help defend this country. That answer, as hard and embarrassing for me to answer, was the truth, was from my heart. That is the inital reason why I joined. And yet, the instructor doubted my answer. He asked if that was just a blank cover. Sigh, I guess someone like me tried to do that. Only, he or she didn’t have God, or I don’t know. I should not judge people.
I have so much more to write but I can’t. It’s almost time for formation. I am so not ready to do anything else but write this discovery or sleep or, most of all, spend time with God unhindered and uninterupted.
Lord, please help me. Give me strength because I am always so weak.