3/17/04

3/17/04
S: 9:37 pm
E: 9:56 pm

Today, I felt compelled to write a diary entry. I don’t know why. Maybe after listening to Yenna …’s music and learning more about dating secrets did I feel like writing this.  Some of these songs in her music makes me remember some other music I heard in the pass. Songs that
made me remember my past. You know, I always wanted to be sucessful with girls, in fact, I signed up to the dating women’s newsletter a long time ago but after a while I thought it was immoral so I stopped. It is not until now that I went back to them. Boy, I tell you they have some very intresting stuff and it’s true! Its so true!
I have to be less nevous with girls. Stop fearing them. They will just be nevous and turn cold. I have to be what they want me to be deep inside. haha, so much important stuff I learned. Hey, maybe I can use them to my advantage. I could date some girls if I put them into severe practice. It almost seemed to me like a game.
Maybe it is. Girls have their own language. Thats so cool. I have to learn girlnese. Lol haha. This is great. But still, I lost Jessica …. That is a big lost for me. A major battle lost. But hey, there must be somebody anybody who will love me. LOVE ME! LOVE ME! LOVE ME DEEPLY~~~! Only God can do that. Cause only you shake the
mountains, only you calm the oceans, only you hold the heavens in the palm of your hands. Only you can look inside me, only you can love me deeply, only you can love me more than Jessica …. Ok, I don’t think she loves me at all. Maybe a bit but thats it. The rest is just attraction and lust. I have to ignore her. Maybe she might
come back and love me again!!!! Yay! Won’t that be great!!! That’ll be the “Happiest day of my life!!!!x7” I have been trying to design a new song just for Jessica …, a kingdom by the sea. Heh, I chose oceanic in starkingdoms because I want her to be with my kingdom by the sea.
On the other hand everything is wrong!! The bible said that men is created to fear God and to praise him. Thats it!! It doesn’t really go on to say we can have fun and espcally with Jessica …. Ok, I am getting way to obbsesed with her. Why can’t I love God just as much as I love Jessica …! Well, I’m starving right now. Not for food
of course ( I have trouble even spelling the word “course.” How can I even take the SAT I??? I’m so going to fail!) but for my Eve. I want a girl to really really love me. (I mean really, much much more than a mol moles) I have to trust in God. It’s ironic that our money have the word “In God we trust” emprinted on it when most people just
trust the money. Ok, I am tired of writing now! And I’m sorry for not writing “Bye Ruby” anymore. Even though I promised myself. Guess I can’t even keep a promise myself. Well, I really just hate myself. My social skills are just out the window. I need my Eve right now! My sister just came and asked “Steven, did you go to the kitchen?”
Hemmmm, maybe it’s time to say good bye. So good bye, good bye, I know it’s hard to die, “good bye Jessica!!”

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