1-25-2004

1-25-2004
9:57:16 Start
10:12:57 End

I just finished listening to “A little bit of this.” Heh, very nice song. I like it. “Tell me where to kiss.” Haha, if only I can tell Jessica that. Um, no, because God will be our guide. I’m so afraid
and scared tomorrow. What am I going to do? I’m going to have a little bit of fear, a little bit of love, a little bit of happiness, a little bit of saddness, and a big bit of God. Yes, I will ask God to help me. Haha.
Should I give the rose petals I crushed to her? It should be done tomorrow morning. I don’t know what to do. Should I? Maybe thats because I’m thinking of you. I remember one of Emerson’s quotations: “It was a high counsel
that I once heard given to a young person, ‘Always do what you are afraid to do.'” I am afraid of giving rose petals to her, maybe I should do it. I mean give it to her. What will she respond? Is she lovesick like
me? Why if she rips the rose petal apart and throws it in a trash can? Oh no, that will be horrible. That will be a nightmare. Oh no! But why if she love it! She would look at me in the eyes and give me a kiss and
hug me. That would be like heaven. I just remembered Thoreau’s words: “Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.” Meaning that heaven is what you make of it. I somehow disagree with that because other people
can destroy your heaven. They can make your life miserable and hopeless and they want you to kill yourself and die. That is how I feel sometimes. So should I give my love to her? I mean the rose petals? And each
day after that, I would give her one everyday? Why if I run out? Or the petal is cracked and ugly? Will she hate me then? I don’t know, that is why I want her e-mail address, and her birth date. That way, I can
get more info on her. No, no, no it is completely wrong. But it is given infomation. I don’t know, only God knows. Remember Steven, God is the guide. Yes, I don’t need to worry anymore. Life under God, is far better
than they got up there. Hahaha. I will pray to God tonight and ask God for his advice. Ok, time is running out and finals are coming. May God help America and give her guidance and hope. And God, please give me your
discipline and hope. Teach me your holy ways oh lord, so I can walk in your ways. Not Jessica’s ways, but your way. Amen.

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